Forgive me now cause I
Have been unfaithful
Don't ask me why cause I don't know
So many times I've tried
But was unable
But this heart belongs to you alone
Now I'm in our secret place
Alone in your embrace
Where all my wrongs have been erased
You have forgiven
All the promises and lies
All the times I compromise
All the times you were denied
You have forgiven
Forgive me I'm ashamed
I've loved another
I can't explain cause I don't know
No one can take your place
And there is no other
Forever yours and yours alone
Now I'm in our secret place
Alone in your embrace
Where all my wrongs have been erased
You have forgiven
All the promises and lies
All the times I compromise
All the times you were denied
You have forgiven
Take me to our secret place
(We'll leave the world away)
I get down on my knees
Feel your love wash over me
There will never be another
You're the only one forever
And you know I'm yours alone
--Skillet, "Forgiven"
I don't know why, but this song seems to have camped out somewhere in me. I mean, the meaning is simple. And it's amazing. But somehow I feel like I need to chew on it more.
I'm not sure what I was hoping to get out of blogging it, or why it's here instead of my livejournal, but it's here. Maybe it's food for thought for you, too.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
IVLI 2009
All right, here's the deal,
This document has been sitting on my harddrive in varying forms for a couple of weeks, thinking that maybe I could provide a more cohesive story to tell, but...I can't. I just can't compress a month of Cedar into a concise blurb, and I'm still processing things. Though, I do have one or two anecdotes that I do know how to tell. So I will tell those. And then what follows after is a list summarizing the very main points I learned in July at Cedar Campus.
How I got to IVLI in and of itself is a story. Not necessarily one worth describing in detail, but God sent me on this crazy wild path, put the brakes on, and totally whipped me around and prompted me to go to IVLI. By the time I accepted this, I thought, you know, maybe God wants to do more in me than just train me by going on this music missions trip... And oh! did he!
First, he provided a community that was fun and supportive. But beyond that, it was a community that saw me for me--just me, for an entire month, and included me in it. They saw me and saw something there worth loving. There's healing still to be gained from this. I will miss the brothers and sisters I met there dearly.
But what outshines everything else about that month is that God made clear his calling on my life, that he had made me to be a leader. And I knew this while I was still at Cedar. I knew that that in itself was great and amazing. But it wasn't until after, when I was talking to my IV staffworker Curt that I realized just how much he had changed me. Two opportunities presented themselves: to speak about my experience at IVLI at the fall conference and to help lead by being volunteer staff at that conference. And I was GIDDY about them. Absolutely thrilled by these possibilities! And this was not normal for me, I would not be reacting that way in June. I wrote it best in my livejournal, "Ah, this is so cool! while at the same time realizing that i would not be reacting to these things this way a month ago. God really really did something in my heart that feels like he threw open the gates! I can be a leader! and it's exciting! I Am a Leader! aah! whoa."
Yea. God did amazing things at Cedar.
And now for the list: Basic, overarching ideas gained from the past month:
1.God is beyond our comprehension as LORD over ALL. He is not our personal god, who we make him out to be. A god like that would not be worth worshiping with our lives. He is the Absolute Truth that will accept no other, no compromise, no ifs ands or buts.
1a. We are weak, frail, FALLEN people. At our core. But he knew this already; he "remembers that we were formed from dust." (Psalm 103)
1ai. He chose to love us anyway. It's not like once we realize our sinfulness--no matter how paralyzing that realization is or how dirty we feel, that that fact changes. it's not like once you realize it and, understanding 1 above, Jesus suddenly hops off the cross and says no, not for that. Not for that. He died because he loved us, in full knowledge of who we would be. He didn't die for the dust he made us out of. He died for the person he made us to be, to SAVE us because he LOVED us. And he still does, even if we feel gross and unlovable. It is done. Once for all.
2. He has CALLED me to lead, so I need not be afraid or embarrassed to lead.
3. The burden of leadership is not the meetings or the planning or the lack of sleep or anything like that, but the COMPLETE and utter dependence on God and NOTHING of self.
4. You are either going to be Saul or Peter. (I would rather be Peter.)
4a. Peter's flaws were the most obvious and he was the one Jesus called to be his Rock of his church.
5. My leadership is not dependent upon my status, but on who I am in Christ (Luke 10:17-20).
6. The stakes are too high to waste time making contingency plans!
7. Be careful not to translate God's instructions (1 Sam 15)
8. The question is not "Do You love me?" but "Do I love You?"
8a. I have loved you. Go. Do so.
9. For God so loved the world that he DID something
So that, my friends, is what "happened" at IVLI. There is so much more to be told and shared, so if you want to know more, just ask!
This document has been sitting on my harddrive in varying forms for a couple of weeks, thinking that maybe I could provide a more cohesive story to tell, but...I can't. I just can't compress a month of Cedar into a concise blurb, and I'm still processing things. Though, I do have one or two anecdotes that I do know how to tell. So I will tell those. And then what follows after is a list summarizing the very main points I learned in July at Cedar Campus.
How I got to IVLI in and of itself is a story. Not necessarily one worth describing in detail, but God sent me on this crazy wild path, put the brakes on, and totally whipped me around and prompted me to go to IVLI. By the time I accepted this, I thought, you know, maybe God wants to do more in me than just train me by going on this music missions trip... And oh! did he!
First, he provided a community that was fun and supportive. But beyond that, it was a community that saw me for me--just me, for an entire month, and included me in it. They saw me and saw something there worth loving. There's healing still to be gained from this. I will miss the brothers and sisters I met there dearly.
But what outshines everything else about that month is that God made clear his calling on my life, that he had made me to be a leader. And I knew this while I was still at Cedar. I knew that that in itself was great and amazing. But it wasn't until after, when I was talking to my IV staffworker Curt that I realized just how much he had changed me. Two opportunities presented themselves: to speak about my experience at IVLI at the fall conference and to help lead by being volunteer staff at that conference. And I was GIDDY about them. Absolutely thrilled by these possibilities! And this was not normal for me, I would not be reacting that way in June. I wrote it best in my livejournal, "Ah, this is so cool! while at the same time realizing that i would not be reacting to these things this way a month ago. God really really did something in my heart that feels like he threw open the gates! I can be a leader! and it's exciting! I Am a Leader! aah! whoa."
Yea. God did amazing things at Cedar.
And now for the list: Basic, overarching ideas gained from the past month:
1.God is beyond our comprehension as LORD over ALL. He is not our personal god, who we make him out to be. A god like that would not be worth worshiping with our lives. He is the Absolute Truth that will accept no other, no compromise, no ifs ands or buts.
1a. We are weak, frail, FALLEN people. At our core. But he knew this already; he "remembers that we were formed from dust." (Psalm 103)
1ai. He chose to love us anyway. It's not like once we realize our sinfulness--no matter how paralyzing that realization is or how dirty we feel, that that fact changes. it's not like once you realize it and, understanding 1 above, Jesus suddenly hops off the cross and says no, not for that. Not for that. He died because he loved us, in full knowledge of who we would be. He didn't die for the dust he made us out of. He died for the person he made us to be, to SAVE us because he LOVED us. And he still does, even if we feel gross and unlovable. It is done. Once for all.
2. He has CALLED me to lead, so I need not be afraid or embarrassed to lead.
3. The burden of leadership is not the meetings or the planning or the lack of sleep or anything like that, but the COMPLETE and utter dependence on God and NOTHING of self.
4. You are either going to be Saul or Peter. (I would rather be Peter.)
4a. Peter's flaws were the most obvious and he was the one Jesus called to be his Rock of his church.
5. My leadership is not dependent upon my status, but on who I am in Christ (Luke 10:17-20).
6. The stakes are too high to waste time making contingency plans!
7. Be careful not to translate God's instructions (1 Sam 15)
8. The question is not "Do You love me?" but "Do I love You?"
8a. I have loved you. Go. Do so.
9. For God so loved the world that he DID something
So that, my friends, is what "happened" at IVLI. There is so much more to be told and shared, so if you want to know more, just ask!
Come to me...
The Bible is so amazing to me. First of all, God wrote 66 books--66 of them! in which we might learn about him and know his love for us. But the most amazing thing is how he speaks through them. Words that you thought you knew speak in ways you never knew they even could.
Case in point: Matthew 11. I read the last 5 verses of it (25-30) for my lectio divina reading this morning. I knew these words, so using them for a lectio divina reading, I was nervous. I didn't want to just read the words because I knew that I needed rest and hey, this passage is about rest. (Which is why I chose it over Psalm 50.) I was afraid of a useless 20-30 minutes of something I already knew. Heh. Well then.
The words that stuck out to me were not "rest" but, "Come to me."
To begin, this is an invitation. This is an invitation to find our rest in him. He wants us to find our rest in him. It's not like we are the little girl or little boy tugging on Daddy's pant leg to get his attention, and Daddy's like, Darling, I'm busy. But Daddy! Ok ok, fine. And picks you up and keeps on talking to whoever. It's not like the fact that I am tired and worn down and aching is a bother to him, that the fact that I need him is an inconvenience. I don't have to shyly wait outside his door, hoping that I'm not interrupting something with my stupid insecurities. No, he's saying, Come to me. Come to me, I will give you the rest--not just that you want, but that you need, the rest I know you need.
Secondly, I never really understood the connection between the middle verse (27) to all the rest. It felt kind of random to me. Hey God, thanks for doing this. Oh, btw, I have a secret noone knows--but I can share it with you, if I want to. And you know, you can find your rest in me. But it's not that at all. You can't interact with someone you don't know. You can't find rest in someone if you don't know who they are. And he says that he chose to reveal the Father to us, to me. "All things have been committed" to him. And he chose to reveal himself to me. This is all under his control. He wouldn't have shown himself to me if he didn't want to. But he did.
Finally, the verb is "come." Obvious, I know. But seriously. The verb is "come." The verb is not "go" or "follow" or even "seek." The verb is "come." It has an inward directionality to it, whereas go, follow after, and seek seem to have an outward directionality to them. "Come" implies a sense of definitive location. He's saying, I'm right here. Come to me. I'm right here. And I have always been right here. I am right here.
Case in point: Matthew 11. I read the last 5 verses of it (25-30) for my lectio divina reading this morning. I knew these words, so using them for a lectio divina reading, I was nervous. I didn't want to just read the words because I knew that I needed rest and hey, this passage is about rest. (Which is why I chose it over Psalm 50.) I was afraid of a useless 20-30 minutes of something I already knew. Heh. Well then.
The words that stuck out to me were not "rest" but, "Come to me."
To begin, this is an invitation. This is an invitation to find our rest in him. He wants us to find our rest in him. It's not like we are the little girl or little boy tugging on Daddy's pant leg to get his attention, and Daddy's like, Darling, I'm busy. But Daddy! Ok ok, fine. And picks you up and keeps on talking to whoever. It's not like the fact that I am tired and worn down and aching is a bother to him, that the fact that I need him is an inconvenience. I don't have to shyly wait outside his door, hoping that I'm not interrupting something with my stupid insecurities. No, he's saying, Come to me. Come to me, I will give you the rest--not just that you want, but that you need, the rest I know you need.
Secondly, I never really understood the connection between the middle verse (27) to all the rest. It felt kind of random to me. Hey God, thanks for doing this. Oh, btw, I have a secret noone knows--but I can share it with you, if I want to. And you know, you can find your rest in me. But it's not that at all. You can't interact with someone you don't know. You can't find rest in someone if you don't know who they are. And he says that he chose to reveal the Father to us, to me. "All things have been committed" to him. And he chose to reveal himself to me. This is all under his control. He wouldn't have shown himself to me if he didn't want to. But he did.
Finally, the verb is "come." Obvious, I know. But seriously. The verb is "come." The verb is not "go" or "follow" or even "seek." The verb is "come." It has an inward directionality to it, whereas go, follow after, and seek seem to have an outward directionality to them. "Come" implies a sense of definitive location. He's saying, I'm right here. Come to me. I'm right here. And I have always been right here. I am right here.
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