In the past eight hours, I have driven to Lansing, met up with several dozen people I haven't seen in months, if not longer, prayed, prayed some more, prayed, and driven back home to West Michigan. I made the decision to do this about 30 hours ago. Ha. Yep.
This is after an afternoon of chemistry education thought bubbling, including a seminar, article reading, and expected phone calls from graduate schools (which didn't happen).
You would think my brain would be complete mush. It is rather squishy, but it is not complete mush. I believe that is an answer to prayer in itself. Thank you to Kristen and Kerrie and others who prayed for me tonight. I don't think I could have done this evening without your prayer support.
This evening was an experience. In so many ways. Somehow, I always seem to forget how completely OVERWHELMING it is walk in from the parking garage after spending 2 hours alone in the car...to see 500+people crawling the halls of the conference center. An extrovert might be like a little kid in a candy shop. I wouldn't know, because I'm an introvert. This jams my system for a little bit, and I end up seeking out a corner to hide in until I can make small steps out from it (or in tonight's case, a row between racks of college apparel).
But I discovered a new component to the hazards of my callings: Overfilled people index. I spotted dozens of familiar faces within a few minutes--and I found my mind blank of their names. The further I walked, the more faces I recognized, and the more overwhelmed I became that I could not think of their names, or know from which setting I knew them. After being involved with InterVarsity for 5 years now, I should expect this. But this happens in the hallways at school, too, and my people index is filling fast. Now that I have taught for 4 semesters, I have over 400 students' faces tucked away in my memory. They walk by me and the recognition sparks...but most of the time it doesn't catch.
Or, one of my students that I taught last night walks by me in the Kellogg center. She sees me and asks in surprise what I was doing there, and I say hi, and apologize--I recognize you, but I recognize so many people here, and I can't place you. And she tells me that she's one my lab students in my section I taught last night! 1) Oh man, name recall fail. 2) Wait, that's so cool! I'm really excited that one of my students is in InterVarsity, and I'm excited that she knows her professor shares her faith, shares an organizational experience, and knows that her professor is willing to come pray for her and her fellow students.
It isn't until the drive home that I actually remember her name. And she's one of my best students, and sits in front of me.
So that was the first half hour of my evening, after spending the drive thinking I was insane for driving 1.5 hours each way to spend 4 hours in Lansing. The next 3 hours, I prayed. I prayed in groups, with various people, in various places, in various ways, for various things, ranging from restful nights for all, to breaking off evil spirits. I love to pray, and I love to intercede for people. But tonight I was stretched to live as an intercessor for 3 hours. Oh, how it was a stretch. I left and once my car was in sight in the parking garage, I started to feel myself collapse into tears.
I drove home, fighting this battle of feeling like I had failed (that and just exhaustion). Between not knowing people's names and not knowing how to proceed throughout the evening, I felt inadequate. But Jesus won that victory. Though those thoughts came, they didn't stick around for long. It felt a little like the way silly putty is sticky but not really. The thoughts would come, but they wouldn't stick. And so I am grateful. I am grateful that I got to intercede for this weekend, to learn a little more of what that means. To grow as an intercessor. To grow in my understanding of walking well on this journey--though I am an experienced traveler, there are many more miles still to go. I am grateful for the miles walked, and I am grateful to share in the travels of others less experienced than I, but covering new territory myself, and experiencing all that goes with that.
And now, I must go. The brain has said, You've processed. Now can you go to bed, please?
